Everbody's Free
(To worship thar dang Leader)

Ladies 'n gentlemen uv thar dang class uv 99: Worship thar dang Leader

If Ah could uvfuh you, only one tip fuh y'alls future,
Thar dang Leaduh would bay it.

Thar dang long-term benefits uv thar dang Leaduh have been proved bar Cyantitians.
Whereas thar dang re-st uv maw advice has naw basis lotsa re-liable
Than maw own meanderin' experience.
Ah gots ta dispence this'n advice .., Leroy! well, now.
Enjoy thar dang powuh 'n knowledge uv thar dang Leader.
But re-membuh -
Y'all gots ta nevuh understand thar dang powuh 'n knowledge uv thar dang Leader

So just worship.

But trust me, 'n 20 years, y'all look back
at photo's uv thar dang Leaduh 'n re-call 'n ah way y'all cana grasp now
How much exhilarashun He's given you,
And how fabulous bubba hella looked.
Y'all may be as fat as y'all imagine.

Dona worry about Lafayette Ron Hubbard, pardner.
Or worry thut thar worryin' am as useful as tryin' tuh become thar dang Leader
by, uh, masturbatin' or whatnot.
Thar dang re-al troubles 'n y'alls life, are actually those thin' thut thar peepulcall mini-vans.
Thar dang kind thut thar blindsides y'all at 4pm on some busy highway.
Do one form uv Leaduh worship everyday.


Dona bay re-ckless spankin' people.
Dona put up n'all peepulwho are re-ckless spankin' you.


Dona waste y'alls time on win95
Sometimes y'all win, usually y'all suck.
Thar dang race am way long, so accept it, y'all might as well have fun.
Remembuh thar dang mischief y'all cause
Forget thar dang boredom.
If y'all succed 'n doin' this'n : HUZZAH Ah SAY!

Where are You?

Keep y'alls old Leaduh Bibles.
Throw away y'alls inihibishuns.


Feel guilty if y'all dona know wut y'all want tuh do n'all y'alls life.
Thar dang most interestin' peepulAh know,
Worshipped thar dang Leaduh at 22 because thar dang knew wut tuh do n'all they's lives.
All uv thar dang most interestin' 40 year olds still do.

Get plenty uv alcohol.

Bay kind tuh y'alls beer.
Y'all miss that thar when they're gone.
Perhaps y'all marry, maybe y'all wona.
Perhaps y'all have kids - when hella y'all shouldna.

Y'all might divorce at 40
Although y'all might have ah chicken lap dance on y'alls 75 weddin' aniversary.

Whatevuh y'all do.
Y'all cana worship thar dang Leaduh enough,
or drink enough either.

Y'alls choices are moot, so are everybody elses.
Enjoy y'alls body, use that thar everywhere y'all can
even fire hydrants.

Ignore wut othuh peepul think.


Even if y'all have nowhere tuh do that thar but 'n y'alls cubicle.