Leader's Top Ten Comandments Lists

Ten Reasons why Beer is Better than Religion

  1. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
  2. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
  3. Beer has never caused a major war.
  4. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
  5. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
  6. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer -- though you've given me an idea.
  7. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
  8. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
  9. You can prove there is a Beer.
  10. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

Ten Things You Don't Want to Hear from Tech Support

  1. "So...what are you wearing?"
  2. "Duuuuude! Bummer!"
  3. "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."
  4. "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery."
  5. "I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
  6. "In lay terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."
  7. "Hold on a second...Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"
  8. "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."
  9. "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."
  10. "Qué??"

Ten Things You Should Never Say to a Tech Support Customer

  1. "You're right, it's our fault."
  2. "Yup, that's a bug. Big one too."
  3. "I never learned that."
  4. "We must have configured your system incorrectly."
  5. "Our competitor's product has that capability."
  6. "That sounds like a good feature."
  7. "Let me ask around the office."
  8. "Don't worry, it'll fix itself."
  9. "Hang on, my computer's locked up."
  10. "The developers think you're on drugs."

Ten More Things You Should Never Say to a Tech Support Customer

  1. "You spoke with Sean? Who's Sean?"
  2. "I'll reply to the email you sent me. What's your address?"
  3. "Says here you gotta boot your computer. Try shoeing it instead."
  4. "The Sales rep. thinks you're full of shit."
  5. "Your guess is as good as mine."
  6. "I've never seen a computer do that before."
  7. "I was just about to go for lunch. Want anything?"
  8. "I can't believe you're still using our product."
  9. "I think it's too expensive for what you get."
  10. "You think that's bad? You should see our stock price."

Ten Reasons not to Buy a Minivan

  1. Pintos only explode if you hit them.
  2. Firestone is replacing the tires on most SUVs.
  3. Nothing like clean, affordable, public transportation.
  4. Full size vans carry more and get better mileage.
  5. So do most compact cars.
  6. IKEA delivers for just a few dollars more.
  7. There's nothing 'mini' about them.
  8. You want a fire? Go camping instead.
  9. Lightning rarely strikes other vehicles.
  10. Other people will like you more.

Ten Reasons Beers are better than Minivans

  1. If a beer explodes, you just get beer on you.
  2. If you get smashed with beer, you recover quicker.
  3. An empty beer case carrys more cargo.
  4. Can't drink a minivan.
  5. Beer has a higher resale value.
  6. Beer by itself won't kill you. Beer and minivans will. Do the logic.
  7. Don't have to worry about parking your beer.
  8. In the long run, beer will get you more friends.
  9. Minivans do not help ugly people have sex.
  10. No one ever gripes about there being too many beers.